Your Seattle Cheap-end: August 14-15

Saturday, August 14th, 2010

This is the first weekend update I have filed in this decade. Positively shameful. I have a litany of excuses and woes, but you don’t care about any of that stuff. I mean, who would? All that’s important here — the quote takeaway unquote — is that I’m still doing this; I have not blown the emergency slide and ducked out. Now let’s get down to cases.

This Saturday, August 14, looks like it’s going to be a hot, beautiful and perfect summer day, like the kind we’ve dreamed of all summer. There may be no better day for KEXP to hold its annual “BBQ” at Seattle Center’s Horiuchi Mural Ampitheater — a free, daylong concert featuring Victor Shade, Dinosaur Feathers, The Joy Formidable, The Lonely Forest, Suckers and Quasi (pictured). The price for this musical spectacular? Nuthin’. Just show up at 2 p.m. and smile pretty.

Also Saturday: Fremont Outdoor Movies presents a 25th anniversary screening of “The Goonies,” a movie that no one actually paid to see in summer 1985. It’s true. We paid to see “Back to the Future” or “Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure” and then we just sneaked from one theater to the other. That day we also saw “Weird Science” and “Pumping Iron 2: The Women,” so we really feel like we got our money’s worth. Anyway, “The Goonies” is cute and we’ll gladly pay the $5 donation for it, but only for Martha Plympton. H.O.T.T. N.E.R.D.

Also also: August 14 is India’s Independence Day. Rub it in England’s snooty gob by getting down to a special edition of Bollygrooves at the Croc. $10 gets you DJ Anashul spinning all the Bollywood boogie a body can stand, and an artist painting free henna tattoos in whatever qualifies as a quiet corner.

And on Sunday, August 15: Go see that “Scott Pilgrim” movie all the geeks are talking about. Seriously, it’s kind of wonderful. Michael Cera, I absolve thee of everything you’ve done wrong since “Superbad,” which is everything/

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Your Seattle Cheap-end: July 2-4

Friday, July 2nd, 2010

We’re entrenched in several prolonged animosities, we’re lacking in decent jobs, we’re leaking oil like a sumbitch and gosh, I’d sure love it if that fuckin’ crybaby Glenn Beck didn’t live here. But for all that, you know what? America is all right. If I could choose to live anywhere I wanted, the Western USA would definitely figure in the top five, right alongside the Eastern USA, certain bits of the Middle USA, nearly every bit of Europe and Bettie Page’s brassiere circa 1954. I will celebrate this Independence Day with an optimistic feeling in my heart. And yes, the booze won’t hurt.

The big, airborne news this weekend is, naturally, the Family 4th at Gas Works Park — a day of fun and frolic capped by an evening of rockin’ redglare. The park opens at noon, which is about the time you’ll need to get there to actually find a decent place to lay down your burden.

At least there will be ways to kill time until nightfall. The Presidents of the United States of America will play a set at Gas Works 7 p.m., the fireworks will go off at 10, and the Presidents will play another set at 10:45. I’m trying to imagine what this will be like, savage reader, because I probably won’t be at Gas Works myself. Too many people, too many headaches; I don’t care if it’s the first fireworks show Seattle has mounted by passing the hat. However, I do plan to spend every moment between now and Saturday trying to find a friend with a house, office or apartment that overlooks Lake Union. If you have one of those, hook your boy up. I’ll bring a bottle of something expensive, and I’ll behave myself.

Moving on to nightlife options, we are presented with several hard choices. On Friday, July 2, do we go to the Triple Door for $25 worth of bayou burlesque, courtesy of the Atomic Bombshells? Do we put on our bathing costumes and sally forth to Neumos, where Fresh Espresso, Fourcolorzack and DJ Sean Cee are providing the soundtrack to a Free Beach Party? Or do we go to the Tractor, where $10 will buy us a benediction from Mark Pickerel & His Praying Hands?

(Saturday ain’t much easier. Sylvia O’Stayformore hosts a night of drag, dance and salty pork at Re-Bar; Chop Suey has Afraid of Figs, We Wrote The Book On Connectors and The Violet Line all neatly balanced atop the same bill for $10; and the Crocodile forks over a Star-Spangled Banger stuffed with Helladope, State Of The Artist, Dark Time Sunshine, Katie Kate and DJ Radjaw for $12. As for me, if all goes to plan, I’ll be doing this damnfool thing.)

And I hope you didn’t forget the zombie thing. You didn’t, did you? Because I promise that the zombies haven’t forgotten you. Happy Independence Day, meatsack!

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Your Seattle Cheap-end: June 25-27

Friday, June 25th, 2010

Gonna keep this short and sweet, because I wanna get outta here and go to a movie or something. I hear that the Cormac McCarthy-scripted “Toy Story” movie is a hoot-and-a-half.

First up: The Sunset Tavern celebrates its tenth year by doing something it’s done nearly every day since the distant year 2000: presenting a variety of great performers. The Cops, Red Fang, Kinski, The Catheters, Jonas Haskins and Atomic Bride are all scheduled to play over the next few days and nights. Go and drink in the Sunset’s vaguely Asian-themed majesty. Also, beers.

Tonight and tomorrow: The Georgetown Music Fest. Ya love Georgetown and ya love music, and admission is free … Honestly, sometimes I have to admit that you don’t need me at all. This is a total sans-brainer. I’m gonna go to a movie and try to shake this.

Save your stamina, kid, because this Sunday brings The 2010 Pride Parade, followed by one hell of a street party. Come on down and watch, then dance your ass off into what’s certain to be a spectacular summer evening.

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Your Seattle Cheap-end: June 18-20

Friday, June 18th, 2010

I don’t need to tell you that the Fremont Solstice Parade happens at noon this Saturday, June 19, do I? No, I do not. You’ve seen the days grow long; you’ve got peripheral glances of naked bicyclists. You’re ready for this crazy, half-clothed, half-decent celebration of everything that makes Seattle weird. All you need to do is stake out a spot on the parade route — the earlier, the better. And maybe bring a rain poncho. Surprise! I wonder if body paint dissolves in sporadic rainfall?

Anyway, the parade happens tomorrow, and the Fremont Fair immediately after. I’m pulling for a sunny day or at least a dry one, so I can take more pictures. But I’m not expecting to get lucky.

Also this weekend: SIFF Cinema is offering some make-up opportunities for those of us who missed the highlights of this year’s Seattle International Film Festival for a bunch of perfectly legitimate reasons. (Cough.) “The Best of SIFF 2010″ features the festival’s award winners and audience hits, including “The Hedgehog,” “Waste Land,” “Cell 211,” “Castaway on the Moon,” “Hipsters” and more. Tickets for individual screenings are $8 to $11, and they’re even cheaper if you choose this year to become a SIFF member. In the long run, that $55 a year minimum really pays off.

Gigs: The Psychedelic Furs play the Sodobox this Saturday night, and advance tickets are $25. (They’re $30 on day-of-show. Outrageous.) That same night, the Brian Jonestown Massacre visits Neumos to play an $18 show that will probably sell out by the time you finish reading this. And I’ve already told you about the burlesque show at the Rendezvous, and the family-friendly tenth birthday party at EMP/SFM. So we’re cool here, right?

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Your Seattle Cheap-end: June 11-13

Friday, June 11th, 2010

Firstly: I thank you for your patience with me these past few weeks. I know that I’ve missed a couple of Cheap-ends, and coverage of SIFF has been largely underwhelming. All I can say is that I’ve got to follow the money — and when somebody offers me a bunch of it for some time-intensive, quick-turnaround jobs, I’ve got to push back everything that doesn’t immediately keep me in cocktails and Thai food. The Spellout is a labor of strong like — okay, love — and as such, it’s got to take a back seat to this, and this, and this, and some other stuff that hasn’t gone live yet. Rhymes with bike row-soft.

Secondly: A special thanks to Friend of the Spellout Sarah W. for pointing out that Columbia City Ale House will open at 11 a.m. for the entire month of World Cup matches, and they’re serving up $2 IMPERIAL pints — better known as “an actual (expletive) pint, mate” — with a coupon you can snag from the bar’s Facebook page. Thanks, Sarah! Also, the Slog has posted a definitive list of Seattle bars showing the World Cup, one that puts my quickie list to shame — but, y’know, they got a whole staff of Capitol Hill drunks to assemble such things. An entire paid staff. But they can’t direct you to The Official Colourbox World Cup Theme (of 1988), like I just did. From the guys who brought you “Pump Up The Volume!” Put the needle on the rekkid when the drum beats go like this!

Moving on, there’s a good number of events happening this weekend that, remarkably, have nothing whatever to do with soccer. First, and most depressing, is the closing of the Lusty Lady, the venerable peep show that’s been classing up First Ave. since long before the Four Seasons showed up and dragged the neighborhood into the mud. The video and “Private Pleasures” booth will remain open for a few weeks, but tomorrow marks the last day of quarter-operated lasciviousness, and the ladies are celebrating that sad landmark with two “Play Days” — a chance to meet the dancers, and even sit on the stage for the length of a song. (I think it’s $20 for that perk). Here’s to thirty-odd years of witty double-entendres on the marquee and unimpeded views (as my friend Stb once put it) “straight up the birth canal.” The Stranger, ever the paper of record on the death of fun, has a nice, NFSW Brendan Kiley story on the closing here.

And speaking of cheap titillation: PartMan PartHorse is playing the Funhouse tonight, and cover is just $6. I think you’ll see as much skin at this gig as you will at the other. That Gary Smith! Such the naughty monkey.

I think that’s about it for this weekend, unless you count The Album Leaf and Kinski at Neumos, Aqueduct and Math and Physics Club at the Croc, and the wildly popular Emerald City Soul Club at the Lo-Fi. Oh, and that massive Pinball and Gameroom Show I told you about. And the last three days of SIFF, including a Saturday midnight movie called “Ticked-Off Trannies with Knives” — which, I suspect, is not allegorical. And now, with your kind indulgence, I take my leave to dump out the change jar.

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Your Seattle Cheap-end: May 21-23

Friday, May 21st, 2010

This could be you! George A. Romero’s “Survival of the Dead” screens Saturday at SIFF.

Late again! But if you close your eyes for a moment and imagine that it’s this morning ’round 10, then this weekend update will be timely … and I’ll still have the hangover I got from late-nighting it at the SIFF opening gala. Should have stuck with my initial assessment of Don Q rum: “Sounds too much like donkey rum.”

Sigh. Anyway. The wonderful Head Like a Kite plays Neumos tonight at 8, with support from the equally wonderful Daedalus and the slightly-less-still-pretty-dang wonderful Thee Emergency. This triple-shot of electrified pop is only $12 — a veritable giveaway of the perky service these bands provide.

Also tonight: a midnight SIFF screening of George A. Romero’s “Survival of the Dead” at the Egyptian is preceded by a ZombCon-sponsored zombie walk, all the way from Boom Noodle to the theater with only occasional stops for gray refreshment. You have only a few hours to get bitten by a zombie and cement your membership with that happening peer group. Full details are here.

Wow, my head’s really pounding. Tell you what I know about Saturday: You’ll probably want to be in Ballard so you can run back and forth between the Tractor, where you can see a $14 show by Hey Marseilles and an $8 show by Massy Ferguson and Memphis Radio Kings. Both shows begin at 9:30, and I freely admit that I’ve no idea how you’re going to see both — but that was the idea I started this paragraph out with, and now we’re committed.

And through it all, there is SIFF. Mighty SIFF! Luminous SIFF! Go see some movies, dammit; they only go all-out like this this once a year.

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Your Seattle Cheap-end: May 14-16

Friday, May 14th, 2010

This weekend is, like, Festival Fest 2010. There’s a number of sunny-day festivals happening this weekend, and that number is two. But we’ll get to those in a moment.

Tonight, sci-fi author Cory Doctorow is doing some kind of thing at the Sunset Tavern to promote his new young adult novel “For The Win.” I presume he’ll read some passages from the new book, then Pillow Army will play a set, and then The Stranger’s Paul Constant will (hopefully) ask him why his nonfiction stuff is so much better than his fiction, and which of the two million competing plot devices in “Down and Out in the Magic Kingdom” he likes best. Whatever answer he coughs up, it’s gotta be worth the $5 cover.

On Saturday and Sunday: Cheese reigns, hallelujah. The Seattle Cheese Festival at Pike Place Market is exactly as it sounds: a great confluence of artisan cheesemakers and artisan cheese-eaters, each doing what they were put on this planet to do. The only thing working against the Cheese Festival is that it’s too attractive; the crowds that rush in for a few free bits of cheese are extraordinarily large, and there’s really no good way to avoid them. Still, it’s free artisan cheese samples, and it only happens once a year. Bite the cheesy bullet and gird yourself for a fromage barrage.

Also this weekend: The U District Street Fair allows the student body to get some long-overdue sun. There’ll be live music, a crafts market, street sales, food carts — everything you need to take your mind off the cheese overdose.

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Your Seattle Cheap-end: May 7-9

Saturday, May 8th, 2010

Things you should remember: Mother’s Day is this Sunday, May 9. It’s not too late to get Mom some nice flowers or whatnot; I have some gift advice for you here, here and here, though it may be too late to get some of these things shipped. Honestly, just give her a call. She asks me about you all the time and I’m tired of saying, “Well, I’m sure he/she loves you very much.” I’m done covering your ass, you hear me? Call. Your. Mom.

The tattooed, erudite and thoroughly delicious Janeane Garofalo is doing a couple of performances at the Moore this Saturday, May 8, at 7 and 9:30 p.m. She’s taping material for a DVD, so if you yell “I LOVE YOU, JANEANE!” loudly enough, you’ll probably be escorted from the premises and shamed. Is this how your mom raised you? No, it is not.

Also Saturday: “Trannyshack,” which is pretty much exactly what you think it is, invests Chop Suey with ambitious amounts of high-steppin’, rip-roarin’ gender confusion. Scheduled to appear: Heklina, Ursula Android, Sylvia O’Stayformore, Jackie Hell, Holy McGrail, Ben De LaCreme, Peggy L’eggs, Ade, Paula The Swedish Housewife and many more, all for the low-and-dirty price of $10. That’s, like, the precise opposite of a drag.

And “Iron Man: Part Deux” is now in theaters. I don’t care if you hated “Sherlock Holmes”; you’re going to this movie. It’s Iron Two: Iron Harder! Iron 2, Electric Boogaloo! Children of Iron Men! Hallelujah! World without end! Yeah, I got nuthin’.

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Your Seattle Cheap-end: April 23-25

Friday, April 23rd, 2010

Omigod, they filmed Kenny! “Exit Through The Gift Shop” opens at the Harvard Exit this Friday.

This should have been done hours ago. You should have already been well into picking and choosing among the following nightlife recommendations, but I was waiting on the inspiration to write a really interesting and personable introductory paragraph… (shakes head) I got nothin’. Let’s just get on with it before I manage to make myself feel sad.

Friday, April 23 belongs to the animal kingdom. The mastermind of the “I Can Has Cheezburger” network, Ben Huh, imparts life lessons learned from LOLcats, 7 p.m. at the Seattle Public Library’s epic Central Branch.  Doors are at 6:30, and admission is free. Later that evening, floaty black metal outfit Wolves In The Throne Room rides the invisible monorail to Neumos, where they’ll wrap your head around various guitar-driven genres for the low price of $12.

Grudge Rock, “the rock-and-roll Family Feud” whose very existence is one of the things that makes this town worth living in, returns Saturday, April 24 to the Crocodile. We Wrote The Book On Connectors will wage music-trivia warfare on At The Spine, while Jake Stratton keeps the situation from escalating to “what d’ya call a drummer that…” and “so’s your momma” name-calling. Doors are at 8, cover is $10, and the banter is worth millions.

And throughout the weekend, you can see stencil-art iconoclast Banksy’s “street-art disaster film,” “Exit Through The Gift Shop,” at the Harvard Exit, which may or may not be haunted. In any case, enjoy the movie!

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